I'm Alive

Hi Everyone!

First of all, I want to give a BIG congratulations to Beth Truman and Eric Summers, as of tonight, engaged! Probably the cutest couple ever, and two of the nicest and kindest people out there. I think they're going to get fed up of my extreme enthusiasm towards the news, but it's just something they'll have to deal with!

I know I keep neglecting this thing but once again I'm hoping that'll change. I've found this thing again and I hope to update it more often, possibly even once a week! :O Yeah, that's not much, but like I care.

I'm really happy in my life right now, enjoying it, and loving it. And it's because of these amazing people in my life, all my friends, my boyfriend, my family, and my beautiful almost SIX MONTH old daughter, Charlotte. Can you believe it? Almost six months? Time flies.

There are way too many people I could list who have changed my life in positive ways, (and lots of people who I could list who have changed my life in negative ways, but you know....) I wouldn't even know where to start, honestly. A lot of people are people who I've met over Facebook, what a glorious place Facebook is. It's where I met some of my dear friends I have today, ones who I've met off and on Facebook. Like Jennifer Kidney... God woman, you've helped me out so much, you probably have no idea. And Sara Helke, I LOVE YOU. Like seriously, you're really too amazing. Danielle Gustafson, Hannah Clark, Dani Baker, AHHH there's just so many other people I could list right now, like I said I really wouldn't know where to exactly begin.

Anyway, I'm going to continue raping Beth and Eric's text message inbox with congratulation texts, but I love you all ;) Even the haters, because now I know I've done something right.

JAMES. I LOVE YOU. AND I MISS YOU. ;)

Oh, before I go, I thought I'd mention I'm going back to school at UCLA, the school I attended for a few months before pursuing my modeling career! :)

xoxo
Jess

KiSs My SaSs

You know what, haters?

I may not be the smartest person, I may not be the kindest person, and I'm sure as hell not perfect. You can believe what you want to believe, whether it's believing I'm fake, or believing I'm real, I'm all for the "personal opinions" thing. But I'm not going to let you assholes trample all over me like this. Like I said, I'm not perfect and I'm not the best, but I KNOW I don't deserve this kind of treatment. The things you've been saying to me via Formspring have been pretty outrageous; the comments claiming I'm a fake whore are mild compared to some other death threats I've received. Not cool.

If you really hate me this much and want things settled, do me a favour, send me a message through Facebook and tell me who you are. Or are you too afraid? Are you chicken? If you're so tough then do it, insteading being a scared little bitch and submitting your questions anonymously. REALLY?!

I've now deleted my Formspring for the time-being: at first the comments were expected, of course not everyones going to believe everything and I understand that! I realize that my responses may not have been the most mature or reasonable ones, but I was trying to defend myself, and yes, I realize I wasn't doing a great job but do I really care? No, not really. But after awhile the comments got really personal, crude, repulsive, threatening, and extremely inappropriate. I really do not appreciate it, when people continue to go on about my personal life (I mean personal personal life, things I do in my spare time...) because that's my business, not yours, and it bothers me that you'd even bring this up to me!

And some things you were saying about my friends, no, just no, they were horrible. I will NOT stand by and watch my friends get bitched at, when they've been nothing but amazing and kind people to me throughtout the time I've known them, it is not fair that you're doing this simply because you know it'll piss me off and get to me.

It's quite obvious that whoever has been leaving me these hate-filled questions, is on my Facebook account, as my account remains private to those who aren't on my friends list and this person was using my profile information against me. I've made a private account for my close friends and family, since I've really let my account go in terms of adding too many mutual friends who I don't talk to enough or know very well. I am really hoping that these people I've learned to trust and these people I've opened up to, aren't the ones who have been using my information against me to hurt me.

Anyway, I love you guys (even the haters; even if it doesn't seem like it, dudes you boost my mother'fuckin' ego! It means I'm doing shit right, doing things to piss you off and make you jealous, wooot!) and to my close friends (you know who you are,) thank you SO much, for sticking with me through all my ridiculously stupid shit! <3

MUCH LOVE & HATE,
JessicaMayfield.

PS: My song of the week is "Our House" by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.

Personality. It Matters.

I don't care what men think or what women think or what the "rules" of beauty are, because the only rule in my book is that beauty lies within you, inside of you not on the outside.

I know that looks do matter and they always will in a relationship, that no matter what you say or do you're always going to partially judge your partner depending on their looks (but mainly their personality I'd hope,) but I still think it's cruel, that there are some low-lifers out there who only date the bleach-blondes with the Double D cup bras, and the fake boobs, and the nice legs and the spray tans. Honestly?

What I find beautiful, is intelligence, class, and inner beauty. Personality! Don't judge someone because of their looks, or their boob size, judge them from what's on the inside.

Music has always been important to me, ever since the day I was born. I remember when I was little, my parents would play their Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Crosy, Stills, & Nash records... I'd be dancing around in my pajamas, absolutely loving it.

It's like Peyton says' on One Tree Hill; A certain song can instantly change my mood, whether it's uplifting, sad, or angry. When I'm mad, sad, or happy, I turn to my best friend who I know will never fail me, my iPod. Is that sad? That there's really only one thing in this world I have to rely on and trust? An iPod? Well that's too bad if you think it's sad, because it's the truth.

Music speaks to me... I don't know how and I don't know why. But I love it.

"Truthfully, there's no such thing as perfection"

It's been a really amazing last few months, let me just tell you. I know most of you probably already know, but I'm a mom! I have Charlotte Rose Mayfield,who's now three months old, almost four! She was born on March 7th, and my friends and family were alongside. She's gorgeous- apparently, she looks like her mother ;)

I still live in Los Angeles, of course. I decided not to take the job in New York since I personally don't want to raise Charlotte there... maybe I'll take it in a few years, who the hell knows!
And I was going to move to North Carolina, but things are under control now and there's no point in me really going there, except to go to One Tree Hill set... which I could if I wanted to do so, since I have... connections lets just say... but I don't want to move their permanently. I'll just go visit often!

I have a boyfriend now, his name is James, but that's all I'm saying! I like being secretive; it pisses people off! Tee-hee!

Overall, I'm incredibly happy, probably the happiest I've ever been in life to be honest. Everything is perfect, everyone is perfect, and for once I feel somewhat "perfect", even thought truthfully there's no such thing as perfection.

I haven't updated this thing since February, but I'll try and update at least once a week... I used to say I'd do that, and I've obviously failed... but anyway...

xo
Jessica

Long Time No Blog

I know, I fail, I'm sorry. I was trying my best to be on top of blogging and everything, but then so much drama happened and all. I think I'll make this post rather long, since I just feel like spreading by business... lol.

So, the following events have happen:

-I've gone from engaged to single in one month
-I found out the doctors fucked up on my due date: baby's due NEXT month not April! D:
-I chose a baby name
-I found out the Jake (my ex-fiance) is moving to a whole different state being Colorado
-I've decided to move to Wilmington Carolina when the baby is born
-I've been informed that I'm "incredibly amazing" at dealing with teenagers appropriately

ANYWAY... I'll explain them.

So about this whole engaged and now single thing... well starting about eh... last month, Jake and I started having trouble in our relationship. We started fighting almost every day (about stupid things, too.) I'd apologize and all even though I knew that the whole fight was not my whole fault, but he'd stay angry at me. Then we started to drift apart, and he said "Jess, I love you a lot, but I think we need a little break. I'm not breaking up with you; but I'm going to Denver for a couple of weeks, okay? Call me if you need anything." That was just him being nice. *Sigh*. Then when he came back, he said to me "You're not the Jess I fell in love with. You've changed, and I don't like it. I'm moving to Colorado to be closer with my family, I'll still be in the baby's life, I know this will be difficult but we'll make it work, sorry." He said this over e-mail first, and then came to talk to me. DOUCHEBAG ALERT!?!?! Something tells me that if he's moving to Denver Colorado then he's not really going to be in the baby's life; if he really cared and he really wanted to be, he'd at least stay somewhere in California. Maybe I'm overreacting, but that's my opinion. So now, I'm going to be a single mother, but hopefully a kickass one! Hopefully. Damn it, I always do something to screw up relationships. Sure I've changed... but a good change... maybe he means I've changed because now I'm fat and not as pretty and more hormonal than usual. :/

I went to the doctors not too long ago and they ran some more tests on me, and discovered that they had fucked up my due date when they first told me my due date! They originally said April 23rd, but then they said "I'm sorry, we've made a mistake. Your daughter is due on March 2nd." WTF!? Fail much!? If I ever have another baby, I'm switching doctors, actually I think I'll just switch doctors. So I'm due in less than a month... wow... that's scaring the hell out of me. I can't wait, but I'm really scared! Thank God I have amazing friends and family for support.

I've decided to name my daughter (yes, I'm having a baby girl!) Charlotte Rose, I like the name! Rose is my Aunt's name whose always been there for me no matter what, like when I was a teenager and had issues with my parents she'd always let me come stay with her, and I could talk to her about anything! When I told her I was naming my girl Charlotte Rose she started to cry, that's the first time I've EVER seen her cry. <3

After Charlotte is born, I've decided to move to Wilmington North Carolina. Most of your thoughts are probably along the lines of "Oh my God, One Tree Hill's filmed there! STALKER!" but that's NOT the reason I am moving there. My mom, 18 year old brother, and 18 year old sister moved there a couple of months ago. It's kind of a win and win situation here. My mom has offered to help me out with Charlotte because she knows how stressful it will be for me considering my age and how I won't have Jake for support, but she's also having issues getting through to my sister and controlling her. My mom says that I'm really good with her and that I'm really the only person who can get through to her and that I'm a good role model for her, which is so nice. I'm really glad. So I'll help her with Mandi and Kyle, even though Kyle's not as much as a problem.

SO, that about sums everything up?

Oh, one last thing....

I'm not accepting friend requests on my other account (Jess Dawson). It's still private! <3

Love,
Jess

Playlist

1. Mr. Brightside - The Killers
2. Running Up That Hill - Placebo
3. When I Was Little - James Morrison
4. Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha ft. 3OH3!
5. 3 - Britney Spears
6. Sexy Bitch - David Guetta ft. Akon
7. Forever - Drake & Lil Wayne & Kanye West & Eminem. (I think that's all...)
8. Run This Town - Jay Z ft. Rihanna & Kanye West
9. Cyclone - (Damn it I can't remember who sings it... Flo Rida? LMFAO)
10. Lovers In Japan - Coldplay